It's been a crazy ride since I really last posted. I want to keep these memories of my babies growing up, but I always feel this sense of dread when I try to blog or write in my journal. I think it's because I know the importance of now and being here, but honestly, it's hard to be present when I'm so distracted by so many things.
Other than my post of my babe being born- only part of it mind you, the last time I wrote was roughly 6 weeks after my mom passed away. My mom has been gone for 15 months. The longest and shortest amount of time. I really didn't understand what people meant when they said that it would happen.
But life does go on. On February 1, 2015, I gave birth to Xander Rusch Rowley. His birth story will follow shortly after I finish Sloan's.
I've been in school and attempting to understand philosophy which is bunk. It is so hard for me to fully comprehend it.
I've finally put a finger onto what my feelings are and I called my doctor to see if we could figure out what we can do to help.
I've successfully breast fed Xander for over 4 months- I feel a huge sense of accomplishment in that regard because I could not breast feed Sloan for that long.
Life does move on. Life does regain some happiness after such a loss.
But there are days when I can't seem to catch my breath when I think of my mom passing away. It's hard to push her final moments out of my head because I want them there but they are almost too painful to relive.
But most days, I cry when I'm missing her- not when I'm happy and talking about how amazing she was.
My little sister is coming home from her mission in 23 days. 23 days.
Sorry for my nonsensical update. But that's how my brain is right now.
I think I'll go frost my cupcakes now.
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