Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Dr. Alexis Carrel

It's scary to tell someone you're close to, that you don't feel as appreciated as someone else in their life.

And that it's OK...

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with my brother and his wife are strained, at best.  We just don't get along.  Not sure exactly why, but we don't.

It wasn't always this way.

I don't actually enjoy it this way.

Which, might shock some people.  I really do miss being close with my brother.  I don't know his wife that well, but once upon a time, I thought that it might be fun to get to know her better.

I pretty much don't know how one might begin to rectify and try to be friends with people that there's been a stream of hesitancy and resistance for so long.  

And I'll also admit that part of me is jealous of my sister in law.  She's the one that I always wanted to be within my own family.  I know that I'll never be that to them.  As family, it's almost impossible to change and be allowed to change and grow.  She had a fresh start in a way. 

Lucky gal. 

I'm glad that she's getting closer with my family members.  The ones that I'll probably never be really close to.  

But I was burned once.  

Twice.  

I just couldn't allow myself to be anymore. 

So, I removed myself, to save myself. 

My faltering testimony could not and would not stand for the lies that were being told by their mouths.

I wasn't strong enough then.

I am now. 

I think we've all grown in ways.  

But I think our pride is standing in the way now.

And I honestly, truly, don't know how to change that. 

But I want to.